Coming from a background of anorexia, body dysmorphia and figure competition, it’s fair to say that traveling while not on a meal plan can cause me a bit of upset in the mental department. Truth be told, as far away as I can get from the 12-year-old me that once battled an eating disorder, I still occasionally have those demons taunting me in the back of my mind when it comes to letting go and living my life. Although I know that typically within 3 days of being back to my normal routine I will be back to feeling good about myself, it can be difficult to let go and be on life’s journey without panic. I have learned to live with this panic of sorts, but realize it is unfair to my family.
Along the way, I have learned to let go a bit more with each vacation, family getaway and celebration. The aftermath no longer haunts me as it once did. I’d beat myself up for days on end after completely disengaging from my strict routine, but the realization of that not being “normal” has allowed me to forgive and move forward. Even today, it is still difficult for me, but I know we are all a work in progress. I will continue to enjoy, as that is not the difficult part for me, but the post celebratory mindset will be something I continue to work on. Healthy mind, healthy body, healthy spirit.